I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
