so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
