none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
