Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
