My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
