im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
