420 ftw
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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