I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize