I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
