If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
