i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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