I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
