Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
