Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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