your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
