"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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