woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
