There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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