Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
