she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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