all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
