Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
