Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
