1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
