I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
