Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
