What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
