high people should be assigned attendants
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
