You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize