Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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