The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
