My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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