I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
