i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
