she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize