I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
