Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
