yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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