how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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