Porn is love you can see.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
