2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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