i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
