at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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