yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize