Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
