dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Randomize
