Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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