I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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