I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize