I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
