Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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