worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You took a bar mat shot.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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