i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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