...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
