Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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