Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
