Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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