This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
