hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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