Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
