I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He passed out mid-signature
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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