you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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