Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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