well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
