I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
