If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
