i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Randomize
