this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
