i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
