So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
